The Trauma of Being Told to Just Be Grateful

And how that conditioning keeps entrepreneurs broke and self-abandoning.

There’s a version of gratitude that doesn’t free you—it strangles you.

You’ve met it before.
The “smile and say thank you” even when it hurts.
The “just be grateful” when you know in your bones it’s not enough.
The way you silence your longing so you don’t seem “greedy.”
The way you force a thank you when what you really need is a boundary.

That’s not gratitude.
That’s servitude dressed up as sanctity.

And it starts early.

Most of us were conditioned in childhood:
Be grateful for what’s on your plate—there are children who have nothing.
As if your hunger was an insult to their emptiness.
As if wanting more was selfish.
As if satisfaction should come from comparison, not nourishment.

That message didn’t stay at the dinner table.
It followed us into adulthood, into business, into money.

We’re told to be grateful for any client.
For any paycheck.
For the exposure, the tag, the “opportunity.”
For being invited to the table—even when there’s nothing there that truly feeds us.

And if you’ve ever said yes when your body said no…
If you’ve ever undercharged because you felt bad asking for more…
If you’ve ever stayed quiet instead of advocating for your brilliance…

Ask yourself:
Was that gratitude—or survival?
Was it reverence—or resignation?
Was it generosity—or self-abandonment?

Here’s the unspoken sentence hiding behind every “just be grateful”:
Be grateful for what you have—and stop asking for more.
Or worse:
Be grateful for what you were given—and don’t forget who gave it to you.

That kind of gratitude is a muzzle.
A chain.
A gilded cage.

Here are some other places it might be hiding:

🌀 When you discount your services “just this once” for a client who “can’t afford you”
🌀 When you say “yes” to a collaboration that drains you because it’s “good exposure”
🌀 When you tell yourself to “make it work” with a team member who consistently disrespects your time
🌀 When your first response to success is fear that someone will take it away
🌀 When you feel guilt after receiving abundance, as if your thriving takes away from someone else’s survival

That last one?
Oof. It runs deep.
We’ll explore that more fully soon, because thriving isn’t a pie, and your overflow doesn’t steal someone else’s slice.
In fact, your abundance might just be the rising tide that lifts us all.

But for now, know this:

Your desire is not a threat.
Your enoughness does not require sacrifice.
Your expansion is not exploitation.

Let me ask you this:

✨ What if you could be grateful and want more?
✨ What if saying no was an act of reverence?
✨ What if your discernment is sacred?
✨ What if gratitude didn’t require you to shrink?

You were not put here to grovel for scraps.

You are not greedy for wanting clients who energize you.
You are not ungrateful for desiring overflow.
You are not selfish for refusing what doesn’t align.

You are allowed to want.
You are allowed to ask.
You are allowed to say 'thank you' and 'no thank you'.

Because true gratitude doesn’t chain you to the past,
It expands your capacity for the future.

Let’s stop calling it humility when it’s really fear.
Let’s stop calling it grace when it’s really gaslighting.

Your desire isn’t disrespectful.
Your dreams aren’t a betrayal of your blessings.
Your asking is holy.

So if you’ve been swallowing your desires in the name of “being grateful”—
Spit them out, beloved.

You were never meant to survive on crumbs.
You are the feast.

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PS: Gratitude should feel like liberation, not like leashing. You can be grateful and discerning. You can be kind and boundaried. You can be in awe of what’s here and unapologetic about asking for more. Profit is Protest—and so is asking for more.

🎧 Song of the Day: Who Am I – Wyn Starks
Let this song wash over you as you remember who you were before they told you to be small—before you confused politeness for safety.
This is your reintroduction… to yourself.